Breaking the Silence on Domestic Violence

By Ashna Mitta

Ashna Mitta, C4J Intern

As we mark October, the Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it's crucial to reflect on an issue that has not only shaped my personal perspective but also demands our collective attention and action.

As a South Asian woman, I was raised in communities where domestic violence was often a silent, unsettling reality. I soon came to realize that this silence is not unique to my community. It's a pervasive issue in every community. In New Jersey, an act of domestic violence occurs every 7.29 minutes. In Pennsylvania, 119 lives were lost to domestic violence incidents just last year. Nationally, nearly three out of four Americans know someone who has been a victim of crime. These numbers are staggering and demand our attention.

But behind these statistics are layers of inequity. In Pennsylvania, Black women experience intimate partner violence at a slightly higher rate than white women, 39% compared to 36.6%. Nationally, Black women face domestic violence at a rate 35% higher than white women and are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner. Indigenous women also experience alarmingly high rates of abuse, with 48% reporting lifetime physical, sexual, or stalking violence by an intimate partner. These numbers reveal how race, gender, and systemic barriers entangle, leaving many survivors more vulnerable and less supported.

These statistics only capture part of the reality. Survivors often feel pressured to remain quiet due to fear, stigma, or cultural expectations. Warning signs and controlling behavior can frequently be overlooked, and resources feel inaccessible or out of reach. For women of color, these barriers are often compounded by mistrust of institutions, economic insecurity, and the lack of culturally specific support.

Recognizing the Signs

Some warning signs can be visible, like unexplained injuries. Others are less obvious, such as a partner closely monitoring calls and messages, a sudden withdrawal from family or friends, or an increasing dependence on a partner for financial decisions. These patterns often build gradually, making them harder to recognize. Survivors themselves may not immediately identify what is happening because control and manipulation increase gradually over time.

Why People Stay

In listening to survivors, one truth stands out: the question should never be “Why didn’t you just leave?” Leaving is rarely that simple. Survivors may lack financial independence, safe housing, or supportive networks. Many stay because they love their partners and hope change is possible. One domestic violence survivor I know even told me that “people think leaving is easy, but when you are taught to rely on someone, for housing, for money, it is harder.”

What helps most is not judgment, but support. It is essential to acknowledge the complexity of their situations.

My Journey with Advocacy

My own advocacy began in high school, when I helped lead a club that raised awareness and funds for local shelters. Education and early intervention are crucial. The earlier people recognize warning signs, the more they can take preventive steps. In college, I deepened this work through volunteering at shelters, staffing hotlines, and organizing events. Personal conversations stay with me the most. Survivors trusted me with their stories, sharing the subtle beginnings of abuse, the challenges of leaving, and the resilience it took to rebuild.

Working with South Asian immigrant communities has been especially meaningful. Survivors spoke with remarkable courage about experiences of both emotional and physical abuse. One survivor shared, “I didn’t have a place to speak up or go to because I was taught to suck it up when I was beat or scolded.” Listening, affirming, and helping connect people to resources became some of the most important and humbling moments of my life.

How to Support Someone at Risk

If you know someone who may be in an abusive relationship, your role can be critical in reminding someone they are not alone.

🛡️Prioritize safety: Encourage safe communication and avoid channels that might be monitored. If someone is in immediate danger, call emergency services or the hotline right away.

💜Listen without judgment: Avoid saying, “Why don’t you just leave?” Instead, try, “I’m concerned for your safety,” or “You don’t deserve this.”

✊🏿Respect autonomy: Let them know, “I’m here for you, whatever you decide.” Empowering survivors to make their own choices is essential.

📦Help with planning: Safety plans can include code words, keeping a bag of essentials ready, and identifying safe shelters or trusted contacts.

Moving Forward

Domestic violence thrives in silence. Breaking that silence through awareness, advocacy, and simple yet powerful acts of support, such as listening without judgment, checking in regularly, sharing resources, or offering to help with safety planning, can save lives.

This October, I hope you’ll take part by learning the signs and checking in on those around you. Together, we can build communities where survivors feel supported and empowered to break the silence.

Resources

If you or someone you know is seeking support, here are essential, confidential, and free resources:

● NJ Coalition to End Domestic Violence

● PA Coalition to End Domestic Violence

● PA Coalition Against Rape

● National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE